Head Vs Heart

What is “the heart” truly? 

Everyone has a heart. We refer to “the heart” in our lives as a living, breathing, thinking, mechanism.

I’m not referring to the blood-pumping life-supporting physical organ in your chest. I’m referring to the idea that humans reference when speaking about anything that has to do with emotions, actions, decisions and more. 

“This is my heart speaking.” Where do the specific thoughts, emotions, and actions come from that we determine this?   

And then where do the separate thoughts, emotions, and actions come from where we identify, “This is my head speaking.” 

References to “the heart” throughout time are endless. 

You’ll consistently hear people saying the phrase, “my head versus my heart.” 

Our muscular heart doesn’t actually think like our brain…or does it? Heart transplants do show some weird after effects, like personality changes that match the previous person who owned the heart. So does it hold memories? 

The English Standard Version of the Bible mentions the heart 862 times! There is much positive sentiment around having a good and pure heart. Matthew 6:21 reads, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” And the famous repeated line from Exodus, “Still Pharaoh’s heart was hardened, and he would not listen to them, as the Lord had said.” 

We give a lot of weight to “what our heart says” and what is it really? Is it intuition? Experience? Knowledge? Is the heart another name for our spirit or our soul? 

Merriam Webster defines the heart in a few ways, but notably it has the following definitions that are relative: personality, disposition, emotional or moral nature distinguished from the intellectual nature, one’s innermost character, feelings, and inclinations, and compassion. 

I’m very curious on what and why we came to this conclusion that the heart has its own opinion, weight, and rights. 

We reference a broken heart, a fulfilled heart, a healing heart, a cold heart, a PURE heart. It takes heart. She has a big heart, etc. 

At what point does the head and heart differ, divert, and become compartments of their own? At which thought, do we decide, “This one is coming from my head, and this other one is coming from my heart.” This is what I “know” and this is what I “feel.”

Why do we place love in our heart, and not in our brain, our foot, or our stomach? 

At what point do we know someone has a “pure heart?” And what defines a “pure heart?” Yes of course I have my subjective personal view, but do we all have a similar idea of what makes up this person? 

Is it hard to obtain, gain, or practice having a pure heart? If so, then why don’t we all have pure hearts

Would you agree, the world would be a better place if we all had what we all perceived was a pure heart, instead of a hard heart, such that Pharaoh displayed in his story? 

Could we agree, we are born with a pure heart

Children have a sense and level of purity, until they began to obtain knowledge. That is when they can decide to lie and manipulate their parents. Huh, that sounds vaguely like the story of Adam and Eve, and when they gain knowledge of good, they also gain knowledge of evil. And when we have knowledge of evil, we can think it, feel it, and do it. 

OR we can choose to have a pure heart and avoid evil thoughts, behaviors, and actions. Of course, evil is subjective here, but it makes up those things we would consider is the opposite of a pure heart. In example, lying and deception, manipulation, and trickery. 

Well I’ll leave it for your mind to ponder now, what is your personal “head space” and what is your “heart?” Who do you listen to, when, and why? How do you define your heart?

Why 8 Days in the Hospital Wasn’t Terrible

It was 9 weeks of an autoimmune flare that sparked me to take an uber to the ER.

I was admitted after waiting many hours in extreme pain. I was speaking in tongues while waiting to be seen and put out of my misery. The pain and anguish covered my body from head to toe, inflammation and dehydration debilitating me to sweat and tears.

This was the first time I visited a hospital as a Christian. I brought a 3-day packed bag, because I knew I wasn’t going home, and needed to be restored. I brought my Bible and read it in the ER. A few people came up to me to praise me for reading it, and gave me their phone numbers. I thought, “Well this is nice.”

As I was in the ER section, I met two more fellow Christians, and we connected and became friends. One of them is a transporter and now we speak daily about God and work on our missions together.

As the days went on, every single day, I met another fellow believer in Jesus Christ: the people who took my blood each day, the nurses, the nurses aides, the cleaning crew, and more. Each day God blessed me with love and light from His people.

One day I was praying in a lounge room in tongues. When I was finished a nurse came to me and spoke to me in Portuguese. I looked at her with question, and she asked me where I was from, “Brazil? Portugal? Spain?” I said, “Hi, I’m from California, and I’m not too sure what you said.” She told me I was speaking in Portuguese and Spanish through my tongues, and I had no idea. She translated it back to me and my eyes welled with tears.

I then felt a sense to prophecy to her, and asked her if she had a son. Now her eyes teared up, and said, “Only God could be speaking this, because we have just met.”

I could feel her worry about her child, he was going through something, and God let me know to tell her, everything was going to be okay. It had already been done, in His name. We hugged and cried, and I went back to my bed to rest, full of the Holy Spirit and Awe.

I then began to translate all of my tongues using the Translate App, and began seeing that I really was speaking French, Portuguese, Latin, and Spanish. God works miracles, and He spoke through me, to me, with loving, affirmative messages. “I am with you. I am your best friend. I love you, my daughter, my love. Rest, sit, wait, I am here with you.” It’s amazing, and now we speak everyday through this language.

Each day, the blood tests came back the same. There was no improvement for 7 days and the doctors could not find a cause or trigger. Each day I walked around the floor, singing and praising the Lord, being in the presence of the Holy Spirit, and spreading smiles to the patients and nurses. I spoke to Chaplains, got advice about my journey, and poured my heart out. I knew I would heal because I’ve healed many times before.

Did you know, most people staying in the hospital are quite crabby? God let me know I was a ball of sunshine there to walk around and lighten the moods that week. I was put there on assignment, and He knew I could handle the pain, the IV’s, the testing, and the answers.

On day 8, the numbers changed by about 30% from the first day, showing a slight decrease in inflammation, and the doctor allowed me to go home to heal.

These 8 days were drastically different from the 9 days I spent at the hospital earlier this year, without knowing Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit. This time was a time for rest, and time to get closer to God, and to be fully blessed with the speaking of tongues. This time was a time to let me know, let me grow, and let me heal on His time, on His will.

I’m home now and healing day by day. I’ve learned I physically and mentally cannot do a normal job – it always ends up with me sick in the hospital.

I’m going into 100% Full Time Ministry and Teaching of God’s Word. It is my purpose to read, write, learn and teach. It is my duty to spread the Gospel.

Jesus is coming, God Loves Us, and the world needs more Love. Stay tuned for more blogs!

If you’d like to contribute a gift of love to my life and purpose, my cash app is $NixieDee

Learn More About Nixie using LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/nixiewellness

Life is Not a Competition


Life is not a competition.

Your life is not a race. At the end of our lives, we’re all going to the same place. We are all dying each and every day.

If you want to relieve yourself of anxiety, pressure, and the ways of this world: STOP comparing yourself to any other human being. That’s right. RIGHT NOW. Only you can compare yourself to yourself. Let go of everyone else’s timeline.

I speak from a place where it’s all I ever did and it got me nowhere. It was a huge waste of time, emotion, and energy. You already know, come on now! Every time you focus on yourself, your goals, and what you are doing with your purpose, you will succeed. When you follow your truth, you will succeed. When you follow the will of God, your heart’s desire, You Will Succeed.

There are definitely things you will fail at – AND THATS OKAY. Failures show us who we are NOT, so we can then see who we ARE. I was always so sad, depressed, and beat myself up each time I failed at a job or business. That position wasn’t right for me, and now I see why. That position wasn’t meant for me, and now I see why. We must take the time to reflect, if we ever want to grow.

You have been brought to Earth for a specific divine purpose.

You have been brought to Earth to help heal, save, and uplift those around you.

You shine when you walk into the room. You lift the energy X10 and have always been curious on how exactly you can do that. It is the light within you. It is the LOVE within your heart and eyes. It is God.

What people deem worthy in this life: your bank account, your house size, your car brand, your smart watch, your follower count – does not give you entry into Heaven. And to be honest, it doesn’t even bring you JOY. It brings you more pain because you’re seeking the next best version of each material item you

STOP and think about five things you did as a child that brought you joy. Maybe it was jumping on a large trampoline, doing arts and crafts, riding your bike in the field, playing board games, rollerblading in the rink, and dancing to the radio. I remember the most fun I had with my family one night was making a music video to an Offspring song, without any cameras around! We all had our lines, we all knew the song, and we all had fun together acting out the silly song. It was a rare moment, and that JOY I felt of collaborating with my family with creativity, light, and fun will never be forgotten.

What brings your heart joy? That is what your life should be about.

With health, happiness, family, friends, music, dancing, creating, painting, laughing, laughing, and laughing some more, May you live the rest of your days with the Love of God. I love you all. God Bless You, In Jesus Name.

What Inspires You To Jump Out of Bed?

🛑 🖐️ STOP! Seriously, Why do you get up in the morning?

💖 I used to think “because I have to” and honestly, that is no way to live a life.

💖 We are blessed each day with the power to breathe, see, hear, dance, eat, and be merry. We are given a new chance each time the Lord wakes us up.

💖 Each day that we choose to cry, stay in bed, and suffer in our mental illness is another day we are not moving towards our future. >YES< it is OKAY to take some time to yourself, but in that down time, you should be meditating, praying, reflecting, and evaluating what you TRULY want out of our life. The reason we get depressed is because we are no longer feeling or doing the things that give us JOY.

💖 Think about what made you happy as a child. Write down 20 things that you did as a kid to make you happy. Begin doing those things again, as much as you desire in your heart.

💖 What does success mean to you? If you thought, “Health, happiness, joy, laughter, time with my family” you’re not alone. If you’re reading this, you most likely would rather spend your time feeding the homeless, helping seniors, volunteering with animals, or making art.

💖And why aren’t you? Why not YOU? Why not YOU?

💖 Tell me below in the comments or private DM, why not you? Why not today? Don’t give an excuse, tell me the truth. What is holding you back? Let’s demolish the negative thoughts, beliefs, habits, and passed life you want to change. Let me guide your mind into a brighter, lighter, future.

We’re All F*d Up And That’s Okay! [Also, What is Epigenetic Programming?]


We’re All F*d Up

And That’s Okay!

[Also, What is Epigenetic Programming?]

We’re all f*d up and that’s okay. We are all a product of nature and nurture: the combination of our genetic and epigenetic disposition, mixed with our upbringing and external world. Our bio-psycho-social atmosphere determines our personal reality, which becomes our personality.  We are all simply made up of the fucked up shit in and around us. Okay, right, but we don’t get a “pass” for all of that, just being a product, because we are not strictly mindless animals. We have free will, damnit!

So then why do we all act like we can’t help ourselves when we burst out in anger, stumble over our insecure thoughts, or obsess over our vanity without taking any action? Why do we act helpless to our genetics? 

[[Genetics are given to us through our DNA. Our mother and father come together and give us this set that determines our physical features. Epigenetic DNA is the set of DNA we create from nurture- meaning if we stimulate that sensitive DNA, it will take a specific reaction. For example, I have a very long history of Jewish people on both the sides of my family, a history of high anxiety and gut issues. I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis at 24, meeting the top 3 bullet points of “people with this disease most likely meet this criteria: 

  • Jewish Descent
  • Age 15-30
  • Family history of gut issues 

So my genes were set up to react with this disease, if all of the right buttons are pushed. I can change the outcome by changing my epigenetic programming, the tail ends of the DNA strands that act as dimmer switches to the DNA. By exercising daily, eating consistently clean and healthy foods (unprocessed), living a low-stress lifestyle, keeping an anxiety-free mindset, and giving myself the self-love that I need each day, I can minimize the adverse effects of the disease. I can essentially “lower the dimmer switch” so the light of inflammation is not so bright. 

Another easy example to wrap your head around epigenetic data is alcoholism. If a person has 2 parents who are alcoholics or exhibit addictive behavior, the child has a dimmer switch set to 5/10 instead of 0 because she was born with her parents’ epigenetic programming of addictive behavior, which they may have gotten from their gene line. So as the child decides to start binge drinking, her dimmer turns to 8/10 of “alcoholism” making her more likely to have trouble controlling her drinking behavior. Let’s say the opposite, she decides to never pick up a drink in her life because she sees how it ruined her parents’ marriage and bodies. She decides to pick up healthy habits such as exercising in the morning and painting in the evening to cope with daily life stress. She then lowers her dimmer switch to 1/10, reducing her chance of becoming an alcoholic. 

We all have this power within us, to use our brain and habits to change our DNA. If you don’t believe me, listen to more than few doctors who have proved it! Dr. Rudy Tanzi: 

Rudolph Tanzi is the Joseph P. and Rose F. Kennedy Professor of Neurology at Harvard University, and Director of the Genetics and Aging Research Unit at Massachusetts General Hospital. Tanzi has been investigating the genetics of neurological disease since a student in the 1980s when he participated in the first study that used genetic markers to find a disease gene.

We’re all fucked up and that’s okay. Our genes came from our crazy parents, and we were born into obligated circumstances.  Positive Takeway: We’re alive! And if you’re reading this, you too have a chance to grab your free will by the balls and use it for your pleasure. Stop causing yourself pain with your choices, haven’t you had enough? I sure have. I’m sick of making stupid choices daily, to set me back in all the goals I truly want to achieve: a life filled with love and peace, a delicious looking body, a calm mind, financial abundance, and friends who I can connect with on this deeper level. I’m done letting my old belief system and programmed way of thinking get in my way of being a shining beacon of light, love, and hope for a better life. 

With Love, 


What A Trainer & Nutrition Coach Eats

As a nutritionist who is gluten free and plant-based, people ask me what I eat and why they should eat it.

Eating is a personal journey. You must find the nutrients that work best for you, your body, and your life. My diet is very specific because I have many food allergies and an autoimmune disorder.

Most weekdays I start the morning with a protein shake, smoothie, matcha latte, or vegan yogurt, along with my supplements.  I  blend it myself using plant protein, fruit, cinnamon, vanilla, stevia, and plant-based milk, or buy a pre-made drink for $2-4.

If it is the weekend, I may start my morning with some vegan scramble, sauteed with a seasonal vegetable, such as zucchini.

For lunch and dinner, I always eat a rice bowl or sandwich. The rice bowl consists of poke or mexican ingredients. Example: sushi rice, tofu, (sustainable shrimp sometimes), cucumber, jalapeno, tomato, spicy radish sprouts, pineapple, cilantro, green onion, red onion, carrots, avocado, soybeans, ginger, wasabi, and a ton of spicy mayo, yuzu ponzu, and tamari. This is my main meal of the day. 

If I go to Chipotle, I’ll get white rice, sofritas, fajita veggies, 1 scoop pico de gallo, 2 scoops sweet corn, 1 scoop verde, guacamole, and lettuce. As you can see, the poke bowl has many more vegetables, so I prefer it on most days. The drive is further, or the kitchen prep takes much longer, so my favorite poke bowl does not always win.

If I’m not digging through a veggie-rice bowl, I’ll eat a Tempeh-Lettuce-Tomato Sandwich, or Grilled Tofu Sandwich, on gluten free bread. I love Schar’s baguettes and mini brioche buns, found at Sprouts. I also love Mountain White GF bread from Whole Foods. Everything is covered in spicy mayo, rather its Sriracha-Mayo, Ginger-Sriracha-Mayo, or some other hot sauce-mayo combination.

I don’t always eat dessert, but when I do, it’s vegan coconut milk ice cream. If I have a snack, it’s most likely a chai-tea latte, berry fruit salad, organic tator tots, or organic fries, baked at home. I love potatoes. My cheats/junk food include organic kettle chips, air popcorn, dark chocolate, crystallized ginger, and more vegan ice creams. Sugar makes me feel groggy and have GI issues, so I am in my best health when I don’t eat/drink very much of it.

My calorie goal is 1300 calories, and it increases if I work out, or out and about all day.  I don’t count calories unless I’m trying to lose weight, so I stick to my normal eating habits listed above to keep myself lean. Counting calories makes me super OCD due to my anorexic history, so I stick to eating when hungry, and staying hydrated.

I drink water most of the time. If I’m not drinking water, I’m drinking an herbal tea or protein shake. I hope this helps you figure out what meals work for you and your fitness goals! Feel free to ask me any questions. Lots of Love! Kudos and Judos!

Believing is Seeing – A Poem And Prayer


Believing is seeing.

I am healing myself from an incurable, auto-immune, inflammatory disease.

I am healing myself from brain trauma and edema. It will go back to normal soon.

I am healing myself with herbal medicine.

I am healing myself with food.

I am healing myself from years of emotional passivity.

I am healing myself from energetic trauma.

I am healing myself from what pharmaceuticals can’t heal.

I am because I believe I can.

Because I believe the ones who I’ve talked to don’t know this positive possibility.

They’ve never seen it before, so they can’t imagine it. They think “seeing is believing.” Well, now I have to show them.

I believe this plan will work. I believe in the power of positive thoughts creating positive energy, therefore creating light and healing.

Injuries are heavy, low, dense energy. I believe in lightening myself from all the stress, pain, and violence of life. Let it go. Detach. Observe.

I’m done accepting the negative energy into my physical body. I feel it in the crowded marketplace, the traffic, and even the home. We all emit our emotions; we all feel the swing of a cheerful person walking in. We all need healing.

We all need the light.


Journals From Recovery “She’s Perfect”

Somewhere in the middle of 2016, I wrote this journal entry. Don’t pay attention to the grammar mistakes. This was written emotionally and with emphasis on capitals/lowercase/italic/bolds. I fell November 1st, 2014. Two years later, I’m still mentally torn and it shows below. Recovery is a long process. ____________________________________________________________________

I was the girl You wanted me to be.  Long hair, big boobs and ass, a bikini model body, a life in the city, a funny friend, an outgoing friend, a  gay best friend, other females were jealous of, someone who thinks they are happy, a fake idol, an Instagram exhibition. A single girl going to happy hour, being hit on by an older man at the bar. A weekend yoga kinda gal who thinks she’s at peace because her bills are paid. A soulless yet compassionate, too-kind woman. Not strong enough for herself, yet strong enough for everyone else…to step on. I was the girl I had imagined being as a little girl – bossy and respected, hot and mid-20’s, in charge of enough, but not too much, powerful, a sense of superiority, a sense of ‘the world in my hands,”  a girl with secrets, skeletons in the closet creating seams to fall apart when the time is right. when the day comes to crash and burn, the doors were ready to be opened, after the lock-down had been made. the trap been shut. the wedding over. the secrets were deep, hidden from even herself, for else they could not exist. desires to be more, yet what is more when you have it all? you don’t have enough, the ego would beg. you need more, more, more. money. space. time. work harder, longer, be leaner. lean in.

I was the girl I dreamt of being as a little girl. A fierce, fighting, i.n.d.e.p.e.n.d.e.n.t woman. didn’t need a man to survive, yet emotionally starved for masculine energy. yang. workout, create your own. be your own boss. be your own MAN. I was the girl the media created. The hair was cut on schedule. The nails were done weekly. All 20 of them. The heels were admired, the lipstick was on. Synthesized from Daddy Issues – and the whole world is “daddy.” Synthesized from Mommy Issues – and the whole world is attacking and murdering Mother. Pain. all pain. she was hiding from the pain, explaining to herself how she was past it because she said so. because she thought so. Her Emotional Intelligence was where You wanted it to be, oh Great Delusion.

It wasn’t enough pain to wake her up. She had to lose it all. First came the digestion, but that wasn’t enough scare. Then came the fall. She had no choice but to let go. Fall into the comfortable bed you’ve denied your entire existence. Awaken into the reality that life is what it is, and that is all. Enlighten your being by recognizing your mother is you! your father is you. your brother, sister, and friend is you. And the sleeping qualities within them you are trying to shake awake, yet you must awaken them within you. WAKE UP.

I was the girl you wanted me to be. I was the girl I  thought I wanted to be. Thoughts are delusions. Thoughts are conditions. Conditions are made from the past, not relevant to the now. Feelings and intentions are the truth. I am now the being I intend to be. I am a conscious being existing within a human body. I watch my mind create thoughts daily, sometimes laughing at how negative and silly it tries to make me seem. I know I am not that thought. You are not the sum of your thoughts either if you are watching them dance like a butterfly in the sky. It is the moment you become the fluttering, flittering butterfly that you forget, submit, and get lost within. Feeling each moment we live as if it is the first, the last, and the only brings joy or pain to our being. I am joyed for being able to feel anything at all. I am human and can dance the butterfly dance, or I can be my awareness and be the sky, feeling and experiencing all the dancing life – as it is.

A Journal Entry From My Injury Recovery


It’s easier to fix the outside than it is to fix the inside.  As a personal trainer I helped people fix their bodies into more fit, healthy, and fabulous objects. I set myself apart from the crowd by being compassionate, and really getting to the root of the weight or stress issue. After befriending each and every client, I became a place of support and therapy – the reason I went to college in the first place.

After years of training people how to fix the outside in a country of obesity, I came to the conclusion the real problems lie within the individual. No matter how many times you hit the gym in a day, that stressor is not going to solve itself. That co-worker is not going to respect you unless you stand up for yourself. That boyfriend is not going to stick around if you’re such a bitch after work at the job you hate. We got deep and worked through some murky emotions with each and every client. Your mother is continuously going to put you down unless you cut her off. Stop trying to prove yourself to the world and simply BE.

Remove that negative voice. You’re the one letting it in.

The gym can be its own meditation. I still crave that bench beneath my ponytail, sweat tickling the middle of my chest as it drips down, and my arms trembling in front of my face. I get it. It’s amazing. The key is that we simply need to be aware of our goals, for inside and out, and find balance. Image is the first thing we see of a person, inside is the last. What if we all went blind for a day, how kind could you be? How would you change your activities and thought patterns?

This sounds like an obvious statement, but the truth of the matter is we are all focused on the wrong things. We’re so keen on making money because we all have a fear of being poor. The media makes us think we need things, but all we need is each other. The marketing of consumerism is insane. The war on women is irrefutable. We fought to get educated, to vote, and then to have all these other equal rights – yet we parade around, act dumb on purpose, and pretend we’re in control. F****ing ridiculous.

This current wave of non-culture is depleting our insides, falsely perfecting and shaping our outsides, as well as removing any hope for change. That’s a scary word. No one wants that. Yet, how happy are you?

Really, stop being complacent. Stop being content. Damn that words aggravates me. Content. F**k your sense of being content; get wild. Get daring. You’re an animal, for Pete’s sake! Get off your ass, and live this one chance you have as the name you hold. Life is eternal, and you will keep receiving the same lessons over again until you learn them. Is this the third boyfriend/girlfriend who has cheated on you? Why didn’t you stop and assess yourself for once, instead of blaming their patterns of behavior? What are your patterns? Why are you seeking pain? Why aren’t you standing up for yourself the first doubt, the first argument? The word why should be in every question.

As a child I got in a lot of trouble for asking why. As adults, we don’t want to face the truth. And as adults, we have the option to deny the truth. We have the option to lie to ourselves, day in and day out, about who we are, what we want, and what we deserve, and why. Every experience, good or bad, can be seen as a positive if you learn from it. If you refuse to learn, change, and evolve, you will get left behind in every compartment you place yourself.

Generation Startup (A Netflix Review)

It was 1pm and I got home from my morning shift as a teacher that started at 430am. [I currently teach Chinese students how to speak English. Since they’re 13 hours ahead of us, I work in the wee hours of the night. I’ve always liked to work in this quiet time.]

I decided to take this midday break to get inspired by a business documentary. I typed in the Netflix search bar “Business,” and this was the first documentary to pop up.

At first I assumed it was a series, filled with different people, brands, and stories, but then when I lost interest in the characters, I checked the runtime: it was in fact a movie.

So I buckeled down and decided to continue listening to this documentary to see what I could get out of it. I was seeking external inspiration because I was exhausted already internally. I have to pay the bills, but if I hadn’t just worked/been awake for the past 9 hours, I may have found some internal energy.

The movie did not inspire me, but it did make me feel a lot happier about the choices I have made. All of the characters in this documentary are college students. They are all under the age of 25 and showing the drive they have. THE PROBLEM is that they are driving toward something, but not towards what they love to do.

They are all driving towards words and ideas like “RICH, SUCCESS, FINANCIALLY STABLE, and FREEDOM, ” yet they continue to find themselves poor, cold, starving, sad, and alone throughout this film. They aren’t connecting with thier product, brand, or culture. They are simply working all hours of the night FOR ANOTHER JOB.

Who cares if the company is just beginning, I thought the idea of a startup was doing something that warms you from the inside? You know, like saving a life or giving people clean water, or changing the food system…

These people were just working their asses off, complaining about their job. Even if they found success, they were still not happy. They’re like “Yep! We did it!” as if they just completed a philosophy final in college. There was no real gratification, love, or tears. It was cold, heartless, and meaningless. I wouldn’t suggest this film to anyone because it is simply un-inspired.

The film was made in the same way the students completed their work: just to get it done; not to do it well, or for a purpose.



My grandma always told me, “Find your niche and stick to it.” As a kid, I understood “niche” as the thing I was good at, like talking to my sad friends and making them feel better. As an adult, I find again, that one of my talents is talking to sad (sick) people and helping them feel better. Through trials, failures, and tribulations, (and being strongly led by my current Partner), I have found that who I am is who I want to be. 

I used to deny all of the interesting parts of me. All of the things that make me interesting, I bury.

As a teen on myspace, I blogged in this personal fashion daily. Most of the time it was early mornings or late nights, when the energy was cleanest outside and no thoughts or sounds were invading my space. Then, I was convinced by family and friends that I was sharing too much. I was online too much. I was on cam too much. I had too many online friends. Go outside and play.

Yes, this is true. But if I would have stuck to being me, I would now have a 15 years of social media content under my name. Instead, I made and deleted many accounts over the years, emotionally. I never saw myself as a business, but I’ve been it the whole time.

I’ve been capable of creating any life I want, and never gave myself the full commitment to do so.

I would like to  inspire everyone to fail, fail, and fail again until they find out who and what they truly want to be in this world. No age is too old. Where does your heart feel most full? Try all of the sports. Listen to all of the music. Explore all of the ideas. Let fear go in the breeze, as a child would when they are discovering.

Stick to it, don’t give a shoot what other people think, and do YOU!